As a new son has arose
So the old one was deposed
Kangaroo running the road
Golden, the sun is at low
This way is not really wide
Gravel is hitting the sides
But laughing, I’m great as I drive
Glad that I made this break for the night

Yes I’ve well learned escape is not gonna wake you up from where cowards lay
Aiming to run from my sadness I found myself living in Groundhog Day
Drugging and boozing just made me a different kind of a slave than my dad had became
So of course by the time that I started this rapping expect I would fill it with anger and pain

'Cause I just loved the subversion
All the crime and the cursing
Started graffing, racking, serving
Wasn't hard just acting urban

August the ground is cold
Cortex was bound and old
And yet my heart was bold
So all that I owned I sold

But even now as I leave it behind I reflect on the shit that I said
No longer look at myself as a person, but even as part of that change it may be I must shed
Not in order to form a new character but say goodbye to the "me" in my head
It’s only fitting that in the last chapter my life on review then I’m free to lie dead

The Lost Poet thought a name could make the artist be immortal
Though, we ain’t actually exist to force the flow
I was even up there on that band wagon
With the homophobia and sexism and man-bragging

Maya can hurt
As in we think we must work
Frog underground in the dirt
Anger had made me inert
Intellectual in my youth
Pushing back up like a root
Some of it I would express
Up on that tedious sophomore press

Still I was stuck on some idea of freedom but really just didn’t quite get what that meant
Resented liars, I thought it was personal, took me some time to feel pity for them
No longer hate politicians or coppers or preachers or anyone we’re all the one
But at that moment I’d failed to fit myself into society so many times I was done

And that’s why I drove down the coast
Through the gums and the ghosts
No one real has control
Lose your self, find the whole

Now as the sky is red
I see the scavengers tread
Thunder is threatening earth
And still I think back in reverse

Was it the switch of my scene or the love of a hippie that turned me off violence?
Started doofing and tripping and dancing and soon I was caring more 'bout the environment
Though I began to withdraw from the lads and machismo I still had a foot in both camps
I’d built my kingdom on being fucked up and insane but was looking to take the offramp

Metaphor was meant to be heavy but void
Increasingly tried to avoid
Putting my ego to paper
Now it comes at the cost of the flavour
But better than missing through what I make
Hyperbole whiffing on Holiday
I thought it was cool to be dumb and bad
Party Killing like a scumbag

All the while lost ‘cause I thought that I needed a purpose and reason
My brand of nihilism set me up to find achievements necessary to make meaning
Lucky agnosticism kept me open to spirituality, later I’d learn from it
Though I still keep away from beliefs I’ve faith there’s no one and nothing who could work for it

It’s a shame, though, as I grew I left a lot of friends behind me
No more angst or pride is left to make Dark Matter grimy
Hateful lyrics really just display the fear inside me
Horses standing empty in the darkness as I pass they're eyeing me

They never tried to improve (they’re peaceful)
Told themselves they were superior (not needful)
Don’t even know to accuse
Don’t separate the outside from interior
Parents, they were conservative beings
It was my friends gave me progressive leanings
Early lyrics were pretty confused
But now it’s love over fear that I choose

‘Course there’s no one who could really choose… nah, but that’s just some apples and oranges
I'd rather community than separation, free will, competition, and fear about foreigners
Used to think we were separate because I was misunderstanding;
Focusing on the mixer and not on the spirit, missing the skin for the branding - noticing wrong

Science gave answers I hoped that were strong
Feel incomplete and need ropes you along
Networks are really just notes in a song
We’re not the gene ‘cause life doesn’t look out from anything
Labyrinth: the legend I meant to be
Hating and judging for all their dissent from me
Really an emo embraced negativity
‘Cause it gave me control of sensitivity

Gothics flower as hippies eventually, learning to channel those negative energies
So often I’d turn on my love ‘cause I took it to heart but there are no real enemies
Nothin wrong with this, not even ego
That’s how they misunderstand Eastern Credo
Interact only if separate from get-go
Suicidal, on regret ‘till I let go

And love ain’t got a cost if it ain’t come with a condition
That’s the basis for a life there is no center in the body living

And for the record I reckon that Chopra is spitting some fiction, just listen
Science and spirit are not opposed, but the cup and the liquid could never be mixing

Quantum mechanics appears, but it’s emptiness clothed
That Orchid Child had an "H" overdose
Preacher of peace went and punched someone’s nose
Munted and broke; drunk and a joke

Not that I think anyone’s listening, most of my life I would shout in a void
Rich is the history of Aussie hip hop and this blip just the trip of a toy, I know

And as the rain hits the earth
Remember that shit and I hurt
Step out and get soaked in my shirt
Birds are all silent they fled from their work
Thought I just wanted a bit of romance
But I was trying to fill an expanse
Ashamed of my bitter and childish stance
I’ve learned to accept that we all do the dance

And I’ve come to terms with the fact my hostility really reflected my own insecurity
Took so many dead ends, including a fifteen-year stint making raps in obscurity
Thought I’d failed at life, so lapped up the encouragement to record TiS
She said, “You should try at least once with a commercial sound before you abandon this quest”

Ha!

What a joke, I am too weird
And at first, it was not sincere
But as I went, I came back around
Reflective shit, and emotion-bound

Guess I just couldn’t ignore it
I quit everything and I floored it
I was no longer trapped anymore in the
Night on the way to Victoria

Seeing the truth of the Creature within I just knew I was choosing a life over death
The Orchid was druggy and cheesy but now all this flirting with darkness had robbed me of depth
An extended era of healing ensued as I sorted through all that I’d put in my way
Goodbye to that tormented soul who was trying to find himself riding the Princes Highway

He was replaced by a seeker: meditating every second; vegan diet, health and fitness, Buddhist, Hindu; focus, presence
Even this identity would fall away but left impressions in the story, now I’m usually free of that depression

Okay, so, no longer shrouded
A far truer romance was founded
I no longer feel like I’m crowded
With her I feel joyous and grounded
Two frogs under earth where it’s warm
Escaping the wrath of the storm
I may always struggle with people
But now I know all this is peaceful

It’s weird for me sometimes when thinking I spent all these years making art that I ceased to relate to
So much of it really despicable, what can you do, I guess that’s what I came through
At least, in terms of the story I’m telling, ‘cause really I know nothing happens
This poem will always be stuck in the dream of the "me", ‘cause I don’t know how else to be rapping

And that brings me around to my point
This paradoxical joint
Attempts to dissolve the insoluble
To try to stop trying to solve it all
Reveals a persistent illusion
Even though I can see the confusion
My lyrics were always so personal
Inherently thus always purposeful

(That's) why I can’t even write anymore now there’s nowhere for all of that struggle to go
And none who could go, so the act of me writing must always create total nonsense, I know
The story goes on but the fire is gone because now it is plain that it’s only a show
Despite this I have to admit here I am still compelled to present this one final tableau

As in this:

The flight south for a new site
Only witnessed by the wild night
The storm clears just as I arrive
To the dawn song of the magpies

Adjusted my views as I learned
Meant contradictions in my words
Every view is an empty arising
Even these lyrics beg for revising

Indeed, any lyrics will always be dualistic, clearly the map ain’t the territory
There’s nothing wrong with it except now it’s boring and always results in a bunch of discrepancies
Even shit that I wrote up for Shiva’s Dance… already I disagree, and also note:
Mooji teaches a way, but for who? Awareness itself is the “me”; the essence of “me”

It doesn’t exist, no
And life isn’t something you solve, no
There’s no information, nowhere to look out from
No one who is separate from this who could know

You can assume, all that I’ve said, I’ve abandoned
There’s only this and nowhere for a landing
Poetry, politics - love is unswayed
What can words say at the end of the day?

I don't know if I’ll do lyrics again or if even the music itself may be done
That’s okay, I feel glad to be writing the end of a story I started when I was so young
I smile and get back in the car, knowing full well it was never begun
And drive away into the desert, away from the maze, to descend into death as the sun rises

Adrian Incarnate 2020